In the town of Struthers, they passed a Parental Responsibility Ordinance.  This law, in part, was the foundation for us to be able to build a successful program as we were able to have some ground for compliance and to establish a baseline for what, in fact, parental responsibility is. I strongly recommend for any community establishing a program that will have any youth intervention, or really any community, I suppose, that they have similar legislation in place.  At the first meeting with the family, this needs to be reviewed with the parent and the program leader needs to ensure that the parent not only understands their role, but truly understands how to achieve this role.

Here’s an overview of Struthers’. It is the responsibility of the parent/guardian to keep illegal drugs and firearms out of the home and legal firearms in places inaccessible to minor children.  Parents should not only know the city’s curfew but ensure their kid is in compliance.  Parents need to require their child to go to school and if they have proper permission to be absent for an excusable reason, the parent needs to make sure their child is properly supervised while absent.  You better make sure your kid doesn’t damage or destroy City or personal property.  It’s your job to keep your kid from stealing, possessing drugs, having weapons, hanging out with delinquents and to go get help from authorities or other agencies if you are having a hard time accomplishing this on your own.  If your child is under 18 and you are found guilty of failure to exercise proper control over them, then you will be found in violation of this law.

I think they allowed a child to have two offenses before they charged the parent and, when found guilty, the parent, was fined.  I’m sure, that anyone interested enough to be reading this thinks that all of the above is pretty much common sense, but you have to understand typically, the parent of a child who is ultimately deemed “at-risk” didn’t have the best guidance themselves.  Often, they may be struggling with their own history of abuse, or have drug and alcohol problems, they may have developmental or cognitive disorders or any other variety of challenges.

I have always told every child with whom I have worked, “Your parent loves you.  They love you the very best way that they know how.  It may not be the way you want or the way you need.  It could be a very selfish love…”  Sometimes, it’s an unhealthy, needy, troubled love, but I stand by my words.  I have never seen a parent whose love is not sincere and true.  They are doing the best they can in their own circumstances.  For these individuals who often did not overcome their own very painful demons before they had their own children, they are not equipped with the skills to be a responsible parent.  Not only do they often need assistance addressing some of the barriers in their life that may be in direct opposition to the law, they need to understand how to set appropriate boundaries and limits with their children.  This law will give you the leverage you need to make the parent follow the program for the child, but also give you some leverage to insist that the parent get the help they need to be able to best perform their duties.

For some, they have so many of their own issues on their minds, that their primary focus is on their own wants and needs; others, they don’t want their child to get mad at them.  Still others need the larger interventions where you will have to help get the illegal drugs and firearms out of the house.  This requires a great amount of skill.  Sometimes, you will gain the knowledge that these problems exist from the child, sometimes from law enforcement and sometimes from the parent, themselves; however you happened to come upon this information, you need the parent to not only confirm it, but agree to work with you to take the steps to fix it.  Usually, they are more than willing to accept the help…nobody wants to fail as a parent.  They want to be a success…they want to be healthy and happy.  The reality is that often, services are too difficult to find.

As a program manager, you have to create a safe environment where whatever the population you work with, children, adults, whomever, they will be willing to come to you with honesty and admit to these things.  You must also have a trusting relationship with the authorities in your community in which they will allow you to use discretion about when to allow someone to have the opportunity to work through you and your services and not be charged with a criminal infraction.

If there is a program manager that a parent trusts enough to reveal the truth, there are often several other hurdles that these individuals face when trying to get the services they need.  If the program manager can find a fitting program, often the program won’t accept their insurance, or they can’t work it around their job, or their copay is too great, or the people running the program really aren’t qualified, or don’t have great insight and empathy.  As a result, the parents aren’t able to tackle just one demon and begin to take a step forward and take on bigger things.  It can be very defeating and damage the relationship the parent had with the program manager causing a lack of trust and making them feel as if they were given ill-advised guidance.

The better that you, as a program manager, collaborating with community and county services, the better that you can head off these pitfalls.  You will know exactly which services to refer an individual.  You will have a relationship with the different providers and know which professionals are highly qualified, have worked out solutions with certain agencies to address payment issues, come up with strategies to address scheduling conflicts, etc.  You will have the ability to provide a tailored solution for each individual with whom you work.  What’s important is that you truly understand the obstacles that may interfere with a person fulfilling their parental responsibility so that you are prepared to help find the solutions.

See “I Thought I Knew it All” for a story about a family that really helped me understand the struggles parents may face and led to me becoming more empathetic to these issues.